Anticipation

It is January 27th and my baby is due in 11 days. I can't believe it! 11 Days!!! This human that's been growing inside of me is going to be born into this world and I get the wonderful privilege of being her mom. Although, I have not had a child of my own, I have had many glimpses into motherhood and have taken care of young babies/toddlers as if they were my own. And I can say, despite the fact that babies are very needy, I loved being able to provide comfort and love to them. I can't wait to hold my baby girl. I don't think I will ever want to put her down. I just want her to know how much I love her and how much I am anticipating her arrival. I want to give her the best in every way possible. I don't ever want her to doubt that I loved her and did what was in her best interest.

So with pregnancy comes a range of emotions right? It really is the weirdest thing. How one moment I can feel totally fine and happy and the next I'm crying my eyeballs out and feeling very lonely. I am actually terrified of postpartum depression. It seems that my body doesn't react well to the chemical change of being pregnant (or even on the pill) I feel completely unlike myself and unable to cope with it at times. I want to be able to enjoy the first few months of my daughter's life without feeling anxiety all the time and even loneliness, but I'm afraid that's just what will happen.

Like everyone else, I am a person who tends to stress out with the more and more responsibility I have. I feel like I am still adjusting to being an adult. Even though I've been on my own for almost 6 years now. Lots of responsibility comes with being an adult and I'm still learning how to deal with it all in the best way. One thing that I'm going to eliminate from my life is my demanding calling. I am the secretary in the Relief Society Presidency. To some that may not seem like that much of a daunting task, but for our ward, it is! There are so many people coming and going that it keeps me very busy. It's to the point where we need 2 assistant secretaries!!! I was hoping that the RS President would replace me because I am having my first baby, but come to find out that she has no plans to. I mean of course she understands that I will be mia for awhile, but I can't guarantee just how long or short that MIA is going to be for. And to be honest, I don't want that responsibility right now and I don't want to be rushed into coming back before I'm ready just because I don't want to disappoint anyone or leave the burden on the assistant secretaries to pick up my slack for a while. It kind of irks me that I have to be the one to ask to be released rather then her seeing the need for me to be at home with my baby girl and adjusting to life as a mom. It's funny how the president sees that there are needs among the sisters in our RS that need to be fulfilled, but often times overlooks the needs of the sisters in her own presidency. Just because we are in the presidency, doesn't mean that we are being "taken care of". And I suppose the same thing goes for the President. It is really such a daunting task to be the RS President. I would not actively seek that calling. So with that said, maybe I should cut mine some slack...yeah, I should.

I have more to say, but my thoughts are unorganized chaos up there so I'll leave my continued rambling for another day.

Ciao!