Unfinished Blog Post (1)

 I wrote this in March 2012, but forgot I had. It is unfinished, but here it is nonetheless...being posted on Feb 12, 2014



There are a few things I wish to say about mental illness. It's most likely not going to come out all cohesive, but I feel that it's necessary for me to talk about to help me cope with my anxiety and depression. Since this blog has been abandoned for quite sometime and my followers have been dropping, I figure this is a safe place for me to talk about this. I would share this on my public family blog, but I can just imagine the kind of responses I'm going to get. Responses I've gotten before from people who really don't understand what it means to battle a mental illness. Who let's be quite frank, haven't had to go through the family dysfunctions that some have. Who feel that if you just think positive, all will be well. While I do believe in the power of positive thinking, I don't think some realize just how hard that can be when you are depressed. And maybe it's something they will never understand unless they've been there. And you know what? That's ok. I don't wish for one soul to ever have to deal with depression, self-loathing or extremely low-self esteem. Not even on my worse enemy would I ever wish those feelings on.

First of all, mental illnesses are very much a real thing. Just as our bodies become decrepit from lack of nutrition and care, so do our minds. But the mind receives so much more abuse then we can physically see. Thoughts and habits that are formed as infants and even inflicted on us, that are prolonged, can have a major affect on how a person turns out. And no one really knows ones whole story, but the person who has experienced it. I could confide in a friend many things that have happened to me in my past, but unless she has experienced the exact same thing, she will never fully understand. Notice how I said "fully". I don't mean that she won't be able to understand part of it or whatever her brain will let her wrap around the subject matter, but that first-hand experience is the only way to fully understand someone's pain. Now this is not me saying, "no one gets me. no one knows how I feel or can relate to me." I'm simply saying this because we have no room to judge another and their pain.

I am not going to try and hash out all the horrible things I have had to experience. We'd be here all day if I did that. And I know what you're thinking after you read "horrible things". There she goes being pessimistic. no. that's not me being pessimistic. that's me being 100% honest. Because I have experienced horrible things. Some things that make you want to turn your head away, turn off the tv and close the newspaper. Things that make you want to pull your loved ones close and vow to never let anyone ever hurt them the way that poor child/person was hurt.

....

(Unfinished Blog Post)