The Forever Student

School. Oh, school! I feel like I am the forever student. I gotta say, I have had a couple of rough weeks recently in regards to school and my career dreams. Trying to get my Bachelor's has seriously been one of the hardest things I have ever done. Before we found out that we would be moving to Tennessee, I mapped out how long it would take me to finish my degree in Behavioral Science with an emphasis in Sociology. If I went to school full time and did summers, I would be done by next Summer. And I was more than willing to put in the hard work. I was putting the hard work in and recently completed 33 credits over the past 3 semesters. I was jumping in with both feet and so incredibly excited about it. But now I've hit a road block moving here. They don't have this exact major and it gives me a rather sad and sour face (and heart). I was thisclose guys. So, so, so close to being the first person in my family to get a Bachelors. It was at the tip of my fingers and now I feel like I am taking some giant steps backwards and it's hard not to feel disappointed.

If I was done having kids, I don't think the disappoint would be so hard. I have tried doing the school thing while being pregnant; it didn't work out so well when I get so sick and pregnancy depression/anxiety. I tried doing it with a newborn, but the lack of sleep, the breastfeeding, the foggy mommy brain as I am adjusting made it really hard. I want to have one more kid, but I am afraid if I wait too long to have that kid and Elsie goes into Kindergarten, I won't want another one because I will be free to continue my education/career without having to find reliable day care for my kids. And I just can't leave a baby under 2 years old in the care of someone else. It's been very hard for me to do in the past and really I just don't want to, If this is going to be my last baby, I just want to soak it up for as long as I can.

So, I am trying to get the ball rolling to at least complete an associates at the local community college here so that I can lock in the classes I've already taken. Hind sight can be a real bitch sometimes because had I known that the adventure of moving Tennessee was taking place before the start of last semester, I would've taken the 2 classes I needed to get my associates, BUT...I didn't. I am hoping I only have to take 4 classes here (they have some extra general requirements) and be done. However, someone recently informed us that they might require we take so many credits with them before I can qualify to get a degree through them. Which in itself is discouraging. My hope is it's not more or too much more than what I already need to complete.

I hope to have my associates either after this semester or the next (depending on the credits needed to complete thing) and having a baby next summer. You know if it so happens to work in our favor that way. When the baby is approaching 6 months I will ease into going back to school (that's what I did with Janen and worked out well) and take online or night classes. As soon as that baby is older and I feel ready I will go back to school full time. Complete my Bachelor's in some Behavioral Science field (whatever will get me the degree the quickest--and I love ALL the Behavioral Science's so this is ok) and then go on to get my Master's in Social Work and eventually my LCSW license so I can be a therapist. I am so 110% sure that this is what I have been preparing my whole life for. Not the only thing, but a big thing and I am so anxious and excited to get started, but I need to just let go of the things I can't control and go with the flow.

I saw this quote a couple of days ago and it has been very helpful for me as I try to plan out what's going to happen next. So I won't get my Bachelor's by next summer, but I'm not going to let that stop me from getting it done eventually. And I don't want to give up the possibility of having another child because I want my Bachelor's. Both are very important to me and I am going to work hard to have both.