Ever have one of those dreams that has you waking up either feeling sad or scared or just plain not right? I hate waking up feeling that way. If I could dream of flying, great adventures, and cute boys every night I would. The dream I had last night would take some explaining as to why it made me feel so strange. I have my own psychoanalysis to the whole thing and to share that would mean for me to share personal things about my family life and the way I grew up and to be honest I don't feel like thinking about that. I don't like thinking about it. However, dreams are dreams. I'm moving on now...
Here's the latest scoop with the mission business:
I am still preparing for one and sort of planning. As far as wether or not I will be going is still uncertain. I was super excited when the thought entered my mind and it lasted for a couple of weeks then I started to feel the pressure, the inadequacies, and I let doubt creep into my thoughts. The Bishop warned me that this would happen. I'm sure that some of you who have prepared and gone on missions know what I'm talking about. It's a lot harder to go through then people think. You almost feel depressed. But I know what I'm supposed to do when those things happen, but doing them takes a lot more effort then normal. Satan works you really hard in these moments. I cried myself to sleep a lot in those few weeks. But good news is that I'm all better now! :-) With the help of prayer, scriptures, Ensign articles and attending Sacrament meeting weekly I was able to get out from under that dark cloud and feel the sunshine on my face again. I also had the help of a couple of close friends that took the time to listen to my feelings and help me work through them. One in particular helped me a lot with his words of encouragement and suggested scriptures as well as his prayers. It's nice to have a friend that thinks of you that way. I hope that I can be a friend like that for someone else and be able to say just the right thing to them. So after that passed I prayed again about a mission and I feel strongly that Heavenly Father wants me to prepare for one because it will be beneficial for me in my life and for those I know and will come to know. It doesn't necessarily mean that I will serve a full-time mission. It might just be to help be a better member missionary and immerse myself even deeper in the gospel. I feel like I still need to stick around here in Fresno for awhile longer. I"m not really sure why, but I feel like I am needed here or will be in the near future. I also feel as though it will help me with my calling as a member of the membership commitee. I was put in that calling for a reason and I'm determined to have success even if I can't see it right away.
I also prayed about dating and marriage because that is the other thing I am preparing/planning for. To tell you the truth I haven't felt ready until quite recently to start dating hard core. Hard core...that's such a funny thing to say. :-p I haven't really been interested in getting involved in a relationship. There was a "serious interest" I guess you could say, but even then...I knew I wasn't ready to be in a relationship just yet. Well, just this past week I finally feel ready to go out into the crazy world of dating and open myself up to the possibility of finding my eternal mate. Gee, I am such an open person it makes you sick doesn't it? HaHa. If you're a guy reading this...don't freak out. I'm not looking to jump into a relationship with just any guy. I'm being super picky so it'll take more then a few dates for the dreaded DTR. I guess it's only dreaded though if one or both people don't really know what they want yet or aren't interested. And why am I going off on tangents? Really now...
There's a jar of peanut M&M's staring at me right now...It wants me to eat it. Stupid candy!! Where are my multi-grain crackers!!! I usually don't care and just eat whatever I want, but my relief society is doing a health/excersise program thing for a couple of months and I'm trying to be supportive. I'm so bad at setting limitations for myself when it comes to this stuff. I'm so lucky to have a fast metabolism and a love for water & dancing otherwise I'd be a heffer for sure. I don't eat all junk though I have a huge love for healthy food. mmmm foood....I just love it all; light and heavy, fattening and non-fat. I just love food. Speaking of food...
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