Frozen Appendages From a Frozen Girl

So it didn't snow much today. I was kind of disappointed. It was definitely cold enough for snow. If it's going to be that cold it might as well snow right? I was freezing at the game. My toes, my nose, my fingers...all frozen. I ran all the way home after the game with James and every step my foot hit the pavement burned more than the one before. As soon as I got into my warm apartment I started tearing off my clothes (well just my winter clothes, don't get any crazy ideas) because my body started to burn like pins and needles. You know that feeling you get when you step into a warm bathtub or the spa and your body is trying to adjust to the major temperature change? I'm not going to lie, that's one of my least favorite physical experiences. It just burns a lot! My toes were immediately on fire so I stuck my feet in the tub under lukewarm water to try and get it to adjust a little slower. It did the trick within 2 minutes.

The BYU foot ball game was homecoming against New Mexico. We won, but it was a little bit of a sloppy game. Not as big of a margin as we've been pulling off lately, but it's not like I really care all too much. It's just football...

I really enjoy spending time with my roommates. They are awesome women! It's definitely nice to live with girls that you can converse easily with. I haven't always had the luxury in the past, but with these girls I do and I'm very grateful. They are all good examples to me in different ways and I appreciate that the Lord can put such unique and diverse people in my path to help me learn valuable lessons just by observing them. I do not think that I deserve such praise because I don't think that I do anything special or out of the ordinary. I'm just me, plain old me. I try to put myself on a different plane than others sometimes because I want so much to be extraordinary, but I need to just accept the fact that I don't have to do big and great things to be considered extraordinary.

There's this movie called Elizabethtown that is definitely one of my favorite movies. Top 10 for sure! In one part of the movie the main characters, Claire and Drew are having a very poignant conversation. This one scene has always resonated with me and I try to remember it during times that I fail to see things in a far greater and eternal perspective.

Here's the scene in a nutshell.

Claire and Drew just had this amazing day together. The next day she leaves and before she's gone for good he catches her and tells her that he has a dark appointment with destiny because he lost a major company almost a billion dollars because the shoe he invented was recalled. He felt like a major failure in terms of the world's standards and wanted nothing, but to be dead. Just before he was about to abruptly take himself out of this world he gets a phone call from his sister telling him that their dad had a heart attack and died in Kentucky and that he had to go take care of it. So he was in Kentucky to take care of business with arranging his Father's funereal, but as soon as he got back home he was planning on ending his life. He wanted her to understand that he had a lot of baggage and that he didn't expect her to stick it out with him. He was giving her an out. But she saw the here and now and wondered why he wasn't sad to see her go. He reiterated to here again his dark appointment with destiny. Her response to that was absolutely perfect to me.

"So you failed. Alright you really failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You think I care about that? I do understand. You wanna be really great? Then have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make them wonder why you're still smiling. That's true greatness to me."

Then, with tears welling up in her eyes, she says she'll try to make it to his dad's memorial if she can and turns around leaving him dumbfounded. I think that may have been the moment when he realized he was being an idiot.

This may not be what the writer was trying to say, but I guess if i was in her situation talking to someone I had grown to care about and all they could see was their own pain because they compared their successes and failures to the world's standard and couldn't see that they were hurting me by pushing me away, I would be upset too. (Sorry for the long sentence, but I really don't feel like revising it).

Guess what? I'm Drew. Well, except for the whole wanting to take myself out of this world. I do not have thoughts like that, I promise, but I am notorious for pushing people away. I have a Claire too and that person awakens me to a whole new sense of reasoning. Even just seconds after I've turned my heels and walked away because all I could see was my own pain.

What a selfish girl I am.